Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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