i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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