I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
