I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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