Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
