I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
