It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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