i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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