We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
