I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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