Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
