I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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