I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
