I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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