You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
