God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
