I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had to cum in my sink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
