I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
