mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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