How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
