We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
