Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
