Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
