What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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