it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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