Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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