my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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