I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
