worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
