Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
