Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize