If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Boobs are out for the taking
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize