you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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