Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
