You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
