Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
