ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
