She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
