She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
