Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
