In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are we still banned from the library?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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