They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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