What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
