Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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