You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
