Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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