We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize