If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
