I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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