Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
