Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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