We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
