just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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