I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
