its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
