Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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