Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
