I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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