At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize