I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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