He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
