Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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