My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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