I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
