What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
