you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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