Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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