Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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