I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
