two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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