Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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